Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Guess Who's Back

After a few months off to fight some money laundering charges (we won and Big Ron got his paper) we're back and ready for some summer sports. It's good to be home and we look forward to talking about such exciting topics as May penant races, sexually-deviant lacrosse teams, and the beauty of aluminum bats.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Sayonara Suckers

Championship week is heating up and its safe to say that a few teams have played their way out of the bubble and straight into the NIT.

Syracuse- after losing to Villanova in the first round there is no way the Orange get in to the big dance and for the second straight year.

Maryland-Gary Williams picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue because his team threw away their tournament hopes with collapses against Virginia and Boston College.

Florida- Alabama put a hurting on the Gators to ruin Billy D and the boys chances of getting into the discoteca

Oregon-they're out, but we'll never forget....Ducks fly together.

Temple is doing the opposite of all these teams as they face Charlotte in the A-10 semifinal giving the sun a chance to shine in Philadelphia again. In some dark room, John Chaney smiles.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Meet the Bubble Teams: Ohio State

With March Madness just around the corner, we felt this was a great time to look at some of the teams on the proverbial bubble this time of year.

Mascot: Buckeyes. Apparently, this is a giant acorn according to those car commercials for the Heisman in 2006. We like to think of the Buckeye as the Patron Saint of Blowing it in National Championships.
Famous Alumni: 1. Richard Lewis- best known as Larry David's friend/foe in Curb Your Enthusiasm, Richard also claims to have originated the phrase "(insert term) from hell." Such as, "Bill Simmons' Sports guy column is the column from hell." Richard also claims to have coined the phrase "hola" and has petitioned the Mexican government for copyright of the term.

2. Jack Buck- legendary broadcaster and father to gay son Joe.

3. R.L. Stine- writer of the famed Goosebump series.

Head Coach: Thad Matta- Thad's parents were known acid abuser in the 60's before they gave him his name.

White guy on the bench: Danny Peters-another former manager turned basketball version of Rudy has the most comfortable spot on the bench for the Buckeyes. Peters has seen so little time that Matta actually let him have a La-z-boy chair for all home games so he can "relax with a beer and watch the game." Seen below in what looks like a elementary school game, but is apparently a high school game, Peters is known for his hustle and lack of talent. Mike Conely Jr. said last season of his teammate: "Shit, he's actually on the team? I thought he was still just the manager."

Outlook: Tuesday's overtime win over Purdue was huge for the Buckeyes, but if they lose to Michigan State Sunday, they'll be left at 18-13 in an average-to-belowaverage Big Ten. They will probably need a run in the Big Ten tourney if they have any chance to make to the big dance.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

If You Cant Stand the Heat...

There's only a few days left before tournament week. Only a few more days to pad the RPI, beat a top 50 team or win one on the road. A lot of teams are in (i.e UNC, Memphis, and Kansas). A lot of teams are out, see New Jersey Institute of Technology. Here's a list of teams that are still on that proverbial bubble:

1. Maryland- 20 point lead at home with your tourney chances on the line? Perfect time for a collapse. Now Gary Williams and his team needs to rebound and come up big after Sunday's loss to Clemson

2. Syracuse- Not to be outdone by the Terps Syracuse decided Saturday was a great time to give up a late lead and blow one at home. Paul Harris can say he got fouled but he exposed himself to that steal.

3. Ohio State- last year's runner up is hangin by a thread after Tubby Smith and Minnesota rolled over the Buckeyes.

4. Texas A&M- 10 points in a half? Is this the Boys and Girls club team we coach or a D-1 team?

5. Oregon- the Ducks have lost 8 of their last 12 and really don't deserve a shot at the tourney, but if they can win their last 2 games and then make a run in the PAC-10 tourney they may have a chance.

6. Florida- the two-time defending Champs needed a win on Saturday and came up small at home. They play Tennessee on Wednesday and should lose, meaning Saturday's game against Kentucky will probably decide which team goes dancing.

7. St Joe's- They need a win at Xavier and Dayton to close out the season to have any hope. Big 5 rival Temple scored late to beat the Hawks and could be the lone, and surprising, Big 5 rep in the tourney if they keep winning.

8. New Mexico- who cares what theyre record is (its 22-7 though), the Lobos have the best nickname in basketball, the best arena in "The Pit," and have Steve Alford, a national champion and gold medalist, as their coach. They're in.

Yea, none of these teams did anything to help themselves out this week, but they all still have shots, as long as they stop shooting themselves in the foot. We'll be giving you a run down of these teams in the coming days so check back to find out all you need to know about these teams.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Meet The Bubble Teams: Syracuse

With March Madness just around the corner, we felt this was a great time to look at some of the teams on the proverbial bubble this time of year.

Mascot: Orange (used to be a man, now just a large orange ball)

Famous Alumni: 1. Bob Costas- that's right the biggest nerd in all of broadcasting was once an orange. Costas could take the final drive of this years Super Bowl and make it sound like a shitty PGA tour event with his monotone voice. Get ready though because you'll be seeing a lot of him next year with the Olympics coming up.

2.Mike Tirico- bes known for getting really excited over nothing and sexually harassing coworkers.

3. Carmello Anthony- doesn't belive in snitching.

Head Coach: Jim Boeheim- best known for his tough 2-3 zone Boeheim has been through some agravating years since the 2003 championship. First, they wouldnt have won one f-in game all year if it wasn't for Jerry McNamara (video), then they realized they had the two ugliest/thugged out white players in the country. This years squad was plagued by injuries early and now is plagued by the inability to stop the three ball.

White guy on the bench: Jake Pressuti-a student manager as a freshman, this Rudy-esque player is all heart and no natural athletic ability. That year in the laundry room prepared this team player for the grueling campaigns and also left him with another year of eligibility, which isgood for Orange fans, already looking ahead to next season.
Jake's hobbies include reading philosophy, exploiting his position as a basketball player to get sex he doesn't deserve, and ironing clothes. A fun fact about Jake is that he worked at McDonalds as a mascot for birthday parties and played in the Ronald McDonald All-Star game (not to be confused with the McDonalds All-American game) which pitted all the Ronald McDonalds in the Genesee Valley area against eachother in a competition of skills including face painting and balloon animals.

Outlook: A win against Georgetown helps the Orange, but they'll need either another marquee win or a Big East tourney run if they hope to have the selection committee overlook that loss to South Florida.

Monday, February 25, 2008


NJIT...your Highlanders have finished the season an imperfect 0-29. Worst in NCAA history. Head Coach Jim Casciano credited the poise of his team with the accomplishment:
"We had a lot of young guys who didn't get distracted by talk of winning a game. We had guys like Justin Garris, who is just a freshman, and he had the focus to go 0-for-4 from three-point range. Imagine if he had hit a few of those. We would have been right back in the game."

We're gonna go wash the champagne out of our clothes, but we'll be back tomorrow to tell you why the NCAA and its obedience to police are destroying college football and some college basketball talk.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Highlander Watch: In Pursuit of Imperfection

Eli Manning and the New York football Giants ruined the Patriots perfect season, but in Newark, New Jersey an athletic achievement of greater magnitude is in reach. THE New Jersey Institute of Technology Highlanders are on the verge of a completely imperfect 0-28 season. In the past 50 years only two teams have gone winless, but the Highlanders 28 losses would tie them with the 2004-2005 edition of Savannah State for the honor of worst team in the history of modern basketball. As the season progresses, we will update you on Head Coach Jim Casciano and the Highlanders as they head toward history.

So it's been awhile since we updated you on the Highlander's but unless you find 20 point losses exciting, you havent missed anything. The magic number is not at one, with Saturday's showdown against Utah Valley being the final hurdle standing in the way of your Highlanders and immortality. In the past three games NJIT has lost by an average of 17 points per game with their closest contest coming against Chicago State in a 86-76 loss. The Highlanders came behind from 15 down to cut the Chicago State lead to three with 2:34 left in the game, before the Cougars regianed control for the win.

The Highlanders have moved past this near disaster though and focused on the prize: their defeated season. Saturday's rematch with Utah Valley will decide whether they become just another one win team or if they become immortals. Check back later in the week for a comprehensive breakdown of the matchups that matter in Saturday's game.