Meet The Bubble Teams: Syracuse

With March Madness just around the corner, we felt this was a great time to look at some of the teams on the proverbial bubble this time of year.

Mascot: Orange (used to be a man, now just a large orange ball)

Famous Alumni: 1. Bob Costas- that's right the biggest nerd in all of broadcasting was once an orange. Costas could take the final drive of this years Super Bowl and make it sound like a shitty PGA tour event with his monotone voice. Get ready though because you'll be seeing a lot of him next year with the Olympics coming up.

2.Mike Tirico- bes known for getting really excited over nothing and sexually harassing coworkers.

3. Carmello Anthony- doesn't belive in snitching.

Head Coach: Jim Boeheim- best known for his tough 2-3 zone Boeheim has been through some agravating years since the 2003 championship. First, they wouldnt have won one f-in game all year if it wasn't for Jerry McNamara (video), then they realized they had the two ugliest/thugged out white players in the country. This years squad was plagued by injuries early and now is plagued by the inability to stop the three ball.

White guy on the bench: Jake Pressuti-a student manager as a freshman, this Rudy-esque player is all heart and no natural athletic ability. That year in the laundry room prepared this team player for the grueling campaigns and also left him with another year of eligibility, which isgood for Orange fans, already looking ahead to next season.
Jake's hobbies include reading philosophy, exploiting his position as a basketball player to get sex he doesn't deserve, and ironing clothes. A fun fact about Jake is that he worked at McDonalds as a mascot for birthday parties and played in the Ronald McDonald All-Star game (not to be confused with the McDonalds All-American game) which pitted all the Ronald McDonalds in the Genesee Valley area against eachother in a competition of skills including face painting and balloon animals.

Outlook: A win against Georgetown helps the Orange, but they'll need either another marquee win or a Big East tourney run if they hope to have the selection committee overlook that loss to South Florida.

THEY DID IT!!!!

NJIT...your Highlanders have finished the season an imperfect 0-29. Worst in NCAA history. Head Coach Jim Casciano credited the poise of his team with the accomplishment:
"We had a lot of young guys who didn't get distracted by talk of winning a game. We had guys like Justin Garris, who is just a freshman, and he had the focus to go 0-for-4 from three-point range. Imagine if he had hit a few of those. We would have been right back in the game."

We're gonna go wash the champagne out of our clothes, but we'll be back tomorrow to tell you why the NCAA and its obedience to police are destroying college football and some college basketball talk.

Highlander Watch: In Pursuit of Imperfection

Eli Manning and the New York football Giants ruined the Patriots perfect season, but in Newark, New Jersey an athletic achievement of greater magnitude is in reach. THE New Jersey Institute of Technology Highlanders are on the verge of a completely imperfect 0-28 season. In the past 50 years only two teams have gone winless, but the Highlanders 28 losses would tie them with the 2004-2005 edition of Savannah State for the honor of worst team in the history of modern basketball. As the season progresses, we will update you on Head Coach Jim Casciano and the Highlanders as they head toward history.

So it's been awhile since we updated you on the Highlander's but unless you find 20 point losses exciting, you havent missed anything. The magic number is not at one, with Saturday's showdown against Utah Valley being the final hurdle standing in the way of your Highlanders and immortality. In the past three games NJIT has lost by an average of 17 points per game with their closest contest coming against Chicago State in a 86-76 loss. The Highlanders came behind from 15 down to cut the Chicago State lead to three with 2:34 left in the game, before the Cougars regianed control for the win.

The Highlanders have moved past this near disaster though and focused on the prize: their defeated season. Saturday's rematch with Utah Valley will decide whether they become just another one win team or if they become immortals. Check back later in the week for a comprehensive breakdown of the matchups that matter in Saturday's game.

Steroids...Bend Over and Take it in the Ass

Wednesday afternoon we saw Roger Clemens get berated before a Congressional hearing on steroids. The way they talked about Clemens and Brian McNamee you wouldve thought they killed someone or sent our country into war under false pretenses. Here at understanding lou though, we want to thank the Rog, McNamee, Barry Bonds, and anyone else who is involved with the illegal distribution and/or use of HGH, steroids or any other performance enhancing drugs. Personally we support the use of PED's and are sick and tired of the witch hunt that Bud Selig and his cronies are performing.

1. Homeruns -If the Mitchell report proved one thing to us it is that every good player of the last 20 years used a PED. Imagine if they hadn't used them. Baseball is pretty boring to begin with and if the players can inject a mixture of Vitamin B12, HGH, and Alka Seltzer into their asses then think how bad it would be. Baseball with no home runs would be like football without the forward pass:boring. The NFL sure as shit wouldn't ban the forward pass and Selig shouldnt let the suits in Congress take the home run out of baseball.

2. The Fans- Chicks dig the long ball? No, chicks dig a chiseled Derick Jeter in boxers. Dudes dig the long ball. If it weren't for steroids we'd have fat out of shape players and zero homeruns, meaning none of the fans would be happy. If Bud wants to let a democratic Congress destroy America's pasttime and hand it over to the terrorists then he's on the right track, but if he believes in freedom then he should give his players the freedom to take as many harmful substances as it takes to be great players.

3. They're Hardworkers- All these players are being looked at as cheaters, but the way we see it, they were hard workers.Let's say you and another worker are vying for a promotion. If that other person drinks red bull to get extra work done and you dont and sleep on the job then you have noone to blame but yourself for not getting the promotion. Thats what HGH and steroids are...red bulls. Don't punish Roger Clemens for going the extra mile to make the Yankees better. No, punish guys like Mario Mendoza who didn't go that extra mile and in the process tarnished the game of baseball with their futility.

Finally, stop saying that its a recent phenomenon. People have used HGH and steroids since the dawn of history. Here are a few:

120 A.D. Maximus- you saw the movie. The guy took on 8 people at once and killed all of them in ten minutes. Then showing his roid rage he decide to attack the crowd. He was a classic steroid abuser, and if we're not mistaken, he brought order back to room. Not so bad of a guy now is he?


1776 George Washington and the Continental Army- they were all taking steroids at Valley Forge. Do you really think that ragtag group could take on the strongest army in the world without a little help? Didn't think so. If you like freedom, then you like steroids.


1945 Josef Stalin- How could you create an Iron Curtain without pumping some iron? Stalin was a habitual steroid user, and while he was a huge prick, he did help stop the Germans....all thanks to his friend Mr. HGH.

2173 Terminator-Yea he didn't do anything for you, ya know...except save the human race from killer robots. Theres only one way he could do that....roids. So you got a choice here, either admit that steroids aren't all bad or just prepare for your robo-overlord to come and eat your brains.

Do you need any more proof? Steroids and HGH are good for baseball, America and the world.

Kelvin Sampson is Screwed

With his team riding high and (illegal) freshman Eric Gordon playing great, it was only a matter of time until Kelvin Sampson screwed it up and right now the big guy is in a whole sea of shit. The NCAA apparently has found that Sampson knowingly made 100 illegal phone calls and then lied. The question is...who in the hell was he calling that much? It's not like the NCAA is really restricting the coaches that much because most of the others don't do (or get caught doing) this. They have bad service in Bloomington or something? Because his only explanation could be dropped calls. To top it all off, in what might have been his last game coaching, the Hoosiers lost 68-66 to Wisconsin. In the days ahead Sampson will have a lot of answering to do but he can look back on other great liars for inspiration.

Rafael Palmero(finger point): "I never took steriods."

Roger Clemens: "I did not take HGH."

Bill Belichek: "No, we don't tape the other team's signals"

OJ Simpson: "Knife? Glove? Blood? Nah, you got the wrong guy for this one man."

Bill Clinton: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman"

Big Monday

Villanova 53 8) Georgetown 55- for the umpteenth time this season Georgetown got bailed out at the end of a game this time it was a phantom foul called on Corey Stokes, sending Jonathon Wallace to the line with .1 sec left to win the game on the freest free-throws taken this season. Either this Georgetown team is the most poised teama down the stretch or else God really is on the side of the Catholics because while they sit at 20-3 they could just as easily be 16-7. As for Nova, the only thing that looked good about their second half was Jay Wright's suit. The Cats missed their last 15 three-pointers and now sit at 14-9 and 4-7 in the Big East and seem to be on the outs of the field of 64.

3) Kansas 69 11) Texas 72- This game proved that the up's and down's of the early season are behind the longhorns and that this team is for real. Damion James sparked the Longhorns who overcame a 4 point halftime deficit for the win. James had a double-double in the second half alone, scoring 12 points and grabbing 13 rebounds. Rick Barnes proved he can do more than recruit as his gameplan worked to perfection in this one. Texas pressured the ball all night and kept the Jayhawks from running and getting into sync on offensive, handing them their second loss in 33 regular season games.

21) St. Mary's 54 Santa Clara 50-like Gonzaga a few years ago, St. Mary's keeps escaping upset bids by weak WCC opponents. It took until 24 seconds left until the Gaels (really?) safely took the lead in this one, making one wonder if they are benefitting from an easy WCC schedule or whether they are really a top 25 team.

Worst Week

Think you had a bad week? Doubt if can compare to this one...

Kevin Hart- ...honestly we feel bad for the guy. Yes, he was a two star recruit with no offers from anywhere (D-2 included) but the guy really wanted to play D-1 football. His story is no different than the movie Accepted, where the guy fakes all sorts of stuff and pretends he's attending a good college when really he's doing nothing (seriously how dumb were his parents?...actually...how dumb are the Hart's now that we're thinking of it.) His saga is nothing different than the movie Accepted....so stop judging and start laughing, like you did for the movie, for the crazy escapades of Kevin Hart because for the past few months this kid were calling an idiot made all the adults around him look like even bigger idiots. So that is why Kevin Hart had the worst week out of all of us.

He's Back.....

What's that sound you're hearing? You guessed it. Dickie V is back, which can only mean one thing....lots of yelling and probably lots of tears. Some say it's a good thing for basketball but it isn't. We're sure he's probably a really good guy but between his terrible catch slogans, sounds that can only come from a dying horse, and don't get us started on his obsession with Duke. Seriously, did he mess up his vocal cords by yelling so much or blowing Coach K twice a week? Okay, maybe that wasn't fair but tonight is guaranteed to be a love fest. You're gonna have Nestler all over Vitale, Vitale all over Duke, Duke players all over eachother, and Vitale all over the ACC in general. It's gonna be a painful game to watch, more painful than the time ESPN broadcast the game on 5 channels showing every possible camera angle you could imagine. So while most people may be happy that Vitale is back, here at Understanding Lou we have room for only one senile former coach and ESPN analyst....

Pryor Watch:Judgement Day

It has finally come. Judgment Day. Today, Terrelle Pryor will choose between Michigan and Ohio State (and maybe Penn State and Oregon). RichRod or Tressel. Today the drama ends....actually, maybe it doesn't. That's right, maybe Terrelle isn't ready to make a decision just yet, which means we get to sit and debat about him. CNNSI for their part though has one-upped the WWL, saying that no, Terrelle is ready to make a decision and will be in Columbus with the vest next fall which would give him a year before playing and put him in position to compete for a national championship right away. If this is true the RichRod is absolutely screwed. He already lost his entire offense and if he doesn't get Pryor he's in deep shit next season. Is it too late to ask for Lloyd back in Ann Arbor.

But wait, it's changed again...mgoblog is saying that Jerome Bettis told some guy on a plane that his former teammate (and Pryors study buddy/mentor) Charlie Batch said that Terrelle is going to Michigan. It's like a sick game of whisper down the lane and noone can get it right.

Seriously though Terrelle, make up your god damn mind already. We got enough problems figuring out our next President, we don't need you messing with our minds too. So Terrelle, just pick and let us sleep easy.

Goodbye Bobby Knight, Have Fun in Mexico

We at Understanding Lou are saddened by the news of Bobby Knights retirement. We've learned from an unnamed source that Knight has left the country to flee authorities in relation with his run-in earlier this year with James Simpson (you know the time he shot at the guy and then cursed at him). Say want you want about the man but he was a heck of a coach and was a walking sound clip. Any time he spoke you knew something entertaining/controversial was going to come out. The NCAA tournament just wont be the same without his wiseass comments to the media on media day. And who could forget when he reamed out a random NCAA volunteer in 1995. We say sayanora Bobby, we'll never tell the cops where you are. In the mean time we leave you with some classic quotes from the man himself

Congrats Eddie Sutton

The Patriots may have failed in their quest for a milestone, but San Francisco head coach Eddie Sutton put down the bottle and was finally able to get his 800th victory in thrilling fashion after his team came back from a 19 point second half deficit to beat Pepperdine, which was not burnt to the ground during the California wildfires, 85-82 in Malibu.
No longer will we mark the end of Sutton's career with memories of him getting toasted and crashing into things. Now we will replace that by remembering him in the same breath as Dean Smith, Adolph Rupp, and Bobby Knight (who we already compared him to anyway). So congrats Eddie, you earned this. Now go have a drink and celebrate.

Man I Hate My Life: Week Recap

Who had the worst week this week? Was it Chris Carter getting rejected from the hall of fame? Was it the Patriots for again getting accused of cheating. Or was it Kansas losing their first game of the season to in-state rival Kansas State? No there's a group of people who have had a worse week than all of these people and hasn't even known it, and those people are....


You, America-for the past 14 days you have religiously followed ESPN, the NFL network and anywhere else you could find information on the upcoming Super Bowl. You've followed TMZ to see if Tom Brady is still wearing a boot, and whether Randy Moss assaulted any women. You heard how Eli has been talking to Peyton about how to beat the Pats, even though Peyton only beat them last year. And you've heard how the G-men are huge underdogs but can stop the perfect season. What you're forgetting is that the NFL is fixed and this all means nothing. If the Rog wants the Pats to win then they could start MAtt Cassel at QB, hell they could start Sam Cassell. So tomorrow our long national nightmare will be over and either the fascist regime in New England will define excellence or the G-men will keep the miraculous run alive. Either way the coverage will finally stop and we can get ready for the media blitz surrounding the NCAA tournament. We'll leave you with some parting words from none other than Carl.