Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Highlander Watch: In Pursuit of Imperfection


Bill Belichek and the Patriots need one more win to finish the perfect season, but in Newark, New Jersey an athletic achievement of greater magnitude is in reach. THE New Jersey Institute of Technology Highlanders are on the verge of a completely imperfect 0-28 season. In the past 50 years only two teams have gone winless, but the Highlanders 28 losses would tie them with the 2004-2005 edition of Savannah State for the honor of worst team in the history of modern basketball. As the season progresses, we will update you on Head Coach Jim Casciano and the Highlanders as they head toward history.

The magic number is now six after a loss to Texas Pan-American on Saturday was followed up with another loss for the Highlanders at the hands of Loyola on Tuesday night.
Saturday saw Texas Pan-American come in and outlast NJIT 54-42 in a game that was as slow and boring as you would expect one between these two powers. The rocking crowd of 300 (they were there for the cyo game at halftime) saw Jheryl Wilson drop 11 for the Highlanders, but it wasn't enough as Nathan Hawkins led the way with 15 points for Pan-Am
On Tuesday MAAC power Loyola took their 12-10 record to Newark and came out with a victory and an ounce of the finest crack the city has to offer. This one was close during the first half until Michael "Nip and" Tuck surgically weaved his way through the Highlander defense for 23 points. Jheryl Wilson again led the way for our fearless warriors dropping 12 points in the loss.
Up Next:The red hot Utah State Wolverines ride into the crack-capital of America on a four game win streak and are looking for blood when they face the hometown Highlanders on Saturday at 2.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Digger Can't Replace Corso On Gameday















It probably seemed like a good idea at the time. College GameDay is a college football institution, and the people at the world wide leader decided to use the same formula for college basketball. What works for football just fails miserably for basketball. So before you get up early on Saturday to check the crew out we have a few reasons why it's just not the same as in the fall.

It's Too Contrived
College football has a strong tailgate culture and that's one of the main reasons for the success of the football edition. It's great seeing 10,000 Auburn faithful outside cheering before they play Florida. There's something genuine about the enthusiasm and GameDay only adds to the energy. For the basketball edition all the energy is sucked out of the formula and replaced with what might as well be recording of cheering. They fill the arena with a couple of thousand fans (nerds?) hours before the game. The show airs from 10am-12, and the game, which is always the prime time ESPN broadcast, does not start until 9pm. No matter what Digger and the crew want to tell you there's no way that those people are staying. The moment the show is done the TV whores in the seats are right back to some place where they can start drinking, so their enthusiasm during the broadcast is far from genuine.

It's Not Even the Game of The Week
The football version does not decide until days before Saturday where they will be traveling, but the basketball edition has its games picked weeks in advance. Football follows great match-ups like California and Oregon or Kansas and Missouri this season. Imagine if they picked their games weeks in advance, do you think game day would have been at that Missouri-Kansas game? Doubtful. Now look at this past week's basketball location: Southern Illinois. The Salukis have been a powerhouse in the MVC for years, but this year they limped into this contest at 4-4 in the conference while their opponent Creighton, another perennial MVC power, came in at 5-3. This match-up does not exactly stir excitement in the average college fan's heart, but nonetheless at 9 am central time Digger, Bilas, and company were there in full force prepping you for this one. The final score? A sloppy 48-44 victory for the Salukis to move to 10-10 for the season.

Digger Is No Corsoe
Oh, the WWL held strict to their formula with this one. Corsoe has been a major hit on the football edition so why not take an old basketball coach from the studio and make him part of the broadcast. Enter Digger Phelps and his color cooridination. Digger flat out sucks compared to Lee (and Lee's pretty annoying himself at times). First, Digger doesn't even fain impartiality, choosing Notre Dame, where he coached, as often as he humanly can. Then there is the point of his tie-to-highlight combo. Does he have OCD or is the queer eye for the straight guy crew working for him? Lee may do lines of coke before he goes on stage but it's way better than Digger's awful voice and highlighter.

Bilas Isn't Herbstreit
Don't get us wrong, we love Jay and Hubert, but does either really look like hes going to go out and enjoy himself on campus like Kirk does? Jay and Hubert are just too innocent to fill the void that Kirk leaves. Neither is obnoxious enough and they certainly wouldn't leave a path of destruction at every sorority house like we know Kirk and those sweet highlights do.

The next two weekends are good match-ups, but that doesn't make up for how bad College GameDay is as a basketball program. Luckily it's only 7 months until this. Sadly we have two months left of this:

What The F*** Happened This Weekend?...Recap

Another weekend in college basketball went by, and like the Blue Devils we're jumping up and having a sword fight in the air while recapping this weekends games.

3) Duke 93 Maryland 84-The Dukies avoided the same fate that their brothers down tobacco road as they rallied in the second half to down Maryland. The Blue Devils outscored the terps 51-33 in the second half of this one, and were clearly excited as Gerald Henderson's man bump in the picture indicates (seriously that is like straight up all man touching there. They could have at least attempted to make it look like they were trying to chest bump).

Connecticut 68 8) Indiana 63- With two players suspended (they didn't steal lap tops this time) Connecticut went into Indiana and upset the top-10 Hoosiers. Jim Calhoun said it was one of his best victories as a coach, and it could be just what this team needs to jumpstart itself out of mediocrity.

9) Georgetown 58 West Virginia 57- Georgetown is boring, has looked sloppy, and seems to get luck...but they keep on winning. For the second game in a row, Jessie Sapp scored the final 5 points for the Hoyas in another come from behind victory. Patrick Ewing pulled his best impression of his father with his block/goaltend as time expired.

11) Wisconsin 56 Purdue 60- In a matchup of two of the whitest teams in college basketball, Purdue was able to pull it out and take claim to the Aryan trophy. It was a big win for Purdue who is now tied with Wisconsin for second place in the Big Ten.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Man I Hate My Life: Week Recap

Long week? We've all been there, but as bad as things seem here are a few people who have had worse weeks than any of us. It's the top 3 this week because things were hard.

3) Villanova- We we're going to say that Jay Wright had the worst week ever, but honestly, when you dress that good (no homo) how can you have a bad week? His team is a different story. Wednesday's loss to Rutgers dropped the Cats to 3-3 and gave a struggling Rutgers team it's first win in the Big East. Even Jay had too look bad after they lost their third game to an unrakned opponent

2) Rick Majerus- Noone can say Rick isn't an honest guy (or that he isn't fat), but honesty got him in trouble this week. First there was the rehashing of his exposure while at Utah then we found out that he loves killing babies. Sadly for him...Catholics don't like killing babies and he's on the hot seat. So now with his team 1-3 in the A-10 Majerus is getting threatened with termination. Majerus definitely knows what it feels like to be pregnant- he looks like hes been with child for like 15 years- but St. Louis doesn't care for its employees having original beliefs.

1) Eddie Sutton- What's worse than being forced out of coaching just a few wins short of a landmark 800th victory? Being forced to coach at San Francisco while going cold turkey seems like one hell of a punishment. After coaching at Oklahoma State for so long Eddie seems like he's being punished for something. Maybe he killed a stripper, who knows. All we know is that Eddie is in hell...b-ball hell. So when you think about how bad your week is, remember that Eddie Sutton can't get number 800 and can't even wash his sorrows down with a drink. That is a pretty shitty week...hell it's a shitty season for the guy.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

What The F*** Happened Last Night? Still Tired


In honor of Baylor and Texas A&M's marathon thriller last night, we're popping open some Red Bulls and trying to stay awake while we break down a few of last nights matchups.

25) Baylor 116 16) Texas A&M 110- First half: we're sitting enjoying this one flipping to American Idol during commercials --some of these people can't be serious with this singing. Aggies up six at intermission.
Second half: Baylor comes back to tie it up. Checked out Moment of Truth during timeouts...flat out retarded. Lot's of dumb questions and not enough destroyed marriages. Switching to ESPN for good.
First OT: decided to do a shot everytime time a three pointer was taken. Cringe with each foul.
Second OT:This one was boring so we tuned out to watch a few minutes of Heath Ledger: A Hollywood Tragedy. We start to cry.
Third OT: A&M up 5 with a minute to go but Baylor comes back. Decide to do man shots. Crying again.
Fourth OT: A&M comes back this time. More man shots.
Fifth OT: Not sure who's more exhausted...us or the teams. Baylor pulls away, we pass out.

18) Villanova 68 Rutgers 80- The dirty Jerz was in all its glory Wednesday night as Rutgers beat a ranked team for the first time in two years. Villanova looked flat out sloppy in this one --except Jay Wright who looked dapper as always -- and got out played from opening tip to buzzer. It was Villanova's third loss in six games as they dropped to .500 in Big East play.

Rick Majerus Does the Darndest Things

Rick Majerus is best known for being fat, but now he's proving to have a mouth as big as his gut. Majerus who became a semi-youtube celebrity following his homophobic and anti-Rudy Gay comments. Well now Rick is at it again. First we learned that he has no problem with you seeing his uh....endowment. Now we've learned that Rick is pro-choice, which really isn't a big deal except he's at St. Louis, a Catholic school where they don't take to kindly to those views. His comments have brought the Archbishop of St. Louis to call for action from the University. It'd be a little absurd for the University to fire him over his personal views but we do know a couple of situations where they would be right to give rick the boot.

1. Rick brings his bat to the March for Life rally in Washington D.C. to defend his right to choose to kick your ass.
2. Rick takes bets on when the Pope will die.
3. Rick breaks into Church and gets drunk off of Church wine.
4. Rick carries cross into arenas for warm-ups in what he calls "The Passion of Majerus"

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

What The F*** Happened Last Night? Billy Ball is Back















It's been a while since Drake University found themselves in this position so in honor of that we're going retro and wearing our best plaid suit and recapping last night's games...

5)Tennessee 66 Kentucky 72- For the second time in 10 days Kentucky beat a ranked opponent at home and are now on the verge of breaking the .500 mark. Bruce Pearl's orange jacket and Chris Lofton's SEC topping three werent enough for the Vols as Billy ball looks to be in full effect in Lexington.

Michigan 61 11)Wisconsin 64- It was only 4 weeks ago that Wisconsin was on the ropes against Texas before Michael Flowers' three pointer lifted the Badgers. Now, they are at the door of the top 10 looking in. It was also a few weeks ago that John Beilein said his team was a bunch of toddlers. Beilein's squad didn't look so bad last night as they took Wisconsin down to the wire behind a strong effort on the boards. Wisconsin needed this one as they start a stretch of games against Indiana and Michigan State (both ranked in the top 10) and a strong Purdue team.

24) Drake 68 Creighton 60- For years Creighton has seemed to be the face of the MVC, and upstart MVC program Drake needed five extra minutes to hold them off in this one. It's been 37 years since Drake went dancing in March, but things are looking good for the Bulldogs after this performance. It would take a Clemson 2007-like performance for them to blow their ticket to the tourney.

Pryor Watch: As The World Turns

So RichRod's weekend of custody is over and the fallout is looking rosy for Michigan folks. Terrelle Pryor, the most talked about recruit in years, took an official visit to Michigan this weekend and said that he "liked it." Well that shouldn't come as a surprise. Who wouldn't have fun be showed around Michigan being told how great he is and having every bystander oogling at him? Sure, it's a little weird that he has a middle aged, former journeyman/rockybalboalikequarterback showing him around and helping him make his decisions, but we'd trust Charlie Batch...as long as Chris Hansen has his watchful eye in the sky. Charlie is a guy, he definitely likes sorority girls as much as Terrelle does.

So Terrelle enjoyed his visit and things seems pretty good (and they probably are), but don't get comfortable yet Wolverine fans because his high school head coach Ray Reitz says that plans are in the works for a trip to Oregon and possibly LSU. And Reitz wasn't afraid to throw the Buckeyes in there either. The Ohio State University seems to still be a contender for Pryor and the guys over at mgoblog have notice. If their connection between Ted Sarniak, Pryor, and Ohio State is true then there is good reason for people to be nervous that Pryor could be in Columbus next season. One backup quarterback already left and Jim Tressel has made it known he wants to incorporate dual threat quarterbacks into his offense, so it's not unconceivable that he could head across the border to Ohio State.

Now fans of Michigan, LSU, Ohio State, Oregon, and Penn State (ah you got Daryll Clark you're fine for a few years) play the waiting game to see what Terrelle's next move is.

Entertainment Guru: Cloverfun

Yo, it's Entertainment Guru, the he all who be all of movies and sports. I'll be breaking down the latest in movies for you this year.
Big movie #1 is the thriller Cloverfield, the monster was awesome....ok maybe it wasn't but still the plot was awesome....again lackluster (a love story while Manhattan is blowing up? cmon...), but hey the effects were average (now I'm getting it). I'm thinking that some college mascots could wreak more havoc and cause more fear than that retarded fishmonkeyfrog. Now I've done a couple hours of research and this is what I've come up with.

#1 Orange men- It's the classic ghost busters formula. You got a large round guy (this time orange not marshmellow) prancing around messing shit up. Imagine him opening the orange juice flood gates...lights out NYC. The real things you gotta watch out for those small orange seeds I wouldn't even f*** with them.



#2 Fighting Orka's- These mean guys from Delta State are already taking the kids for food. Plus and they don't show the bad ending of this photo shoot...it gets nasty. Where are you Chris Hansen?!


#3 Nittany Lion- Now I am not really sure about this one, but who knows whether the big bad monster is gonna dance around and do a lap dance or bite and rape your ass. All I am sure of is that if I see that flamboyant lion I am gonna run the other way with a plug between my butt.



#4 "Uga"- The Georgia Bulldog is one mean thing, we all know he already almost killed a football player. God only knows what he would do if he was huge, I don't think it would stop at New York kinda like the monster in Cloverfield (sweet jesus). Our only hope is maybe a lot of animal sacrifices or that he chases the big tennis ball the army has stored for such situations.

Oh yes there could be more...honorable mention
The Fighting Pickles of Hawaii-Hilo-I can't stand pickle juice.
TCU Horned Frogs-Since I was a kid always scared of frogs. I can't imagine if they had horns.
The Burger "King"- I know this guy isn't a college mascot but this guy keeps me up for nights. He's looking in your windows, telling you to eat Whoppers. I just don't trust taht shit.
The Stanford "tree"- this thing just weirds me out.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Highlander Watch: In Pursuit of Imperfection

Bill Belichek and the Patriots need one more win to finish the perfect season, but in Newark, New Jersey an athletic achievement of greater magnitude is in reach. THE New Jersey Institute of Technology Highlanders are on the verge of a completely imperfect 0-28 season. In the past 50 years only two teams have gone winless, but the Highlanders 28 losses would tie them with the 2004-2005 edition of Savannah State for the honor of worst team in the history of modern basketball. As the season progresses, we will update you on Head Coach Jim Casciano and the Highlanders as they head toward history.

The Highlanders traveled to the windy city on Saturday to take on the Chicago State Cougars. NJIT kept things close for the first 12 minutes of the contest before Chicago State began to pull away. Nesho "I'm Not Slobodan" Milosevic led all scorers with 20 points, but it just wasn't enough as the magic number now bumped down to 9 for the Highlanders.
Up Next: Texas-Pan American (11-10) on Saturday at 1:00 at the Prudential Center. The Highlanders lost to TPA 76-61 on December 31st.

What The F*** Happened Last Night? Big Monday


We're keeping an Eddie Sutton-like sobriety and bringing you a recap of last nights Big Monday games.

Syracuse 62 9) Georgetown 64- For a time in the second half it looked like the Hoyas we're going to drop their second Big Monday contest in a row. With his defense struggling to contain Johnny Flynn (24 points on like 50 shots) John Thompson III brought in Jeremiah Rivers to ail his teams defensive woes. Rivers, the son of the Good Doctor, was just what Georgetown needed as he shut down Flynn and sparked a late rally to give the Hoyas the victory.

12)Texas 63 Oklahoma St. 61- In a rematch of last year's triple OT thriller, these two Big 12 teams gave fans another electric performance. DJ Augustine dropped 26 for the Longhorns in their victory of Eddie Sutton Jr.'s squad. Ok St. had an opportunity at the end of regulation but rushed the shot under the basket to seal the game.

San Francisco 64 Gonzaga 72- In the night cap, the drunker Sutton, Eddie Sr., was looking for win number 800, but the Zags wouldn't allow it. Josh Heytvelt had six points, seven boards, and a handful of shrooms to lead Gonzaga in this one. Up next for the Zags is undefeated Memphis on Saturday.

Monday, January 21, 2008

What The F*** Happened This Weekend?...We're Back


It's been awhile but hopefully Money Mayweather got you through the weekend. Like O.J. we're out on bail and ready to recap all the upsets this weekend.

Maryland 82 1)UNC 80- It seems like years ago that Maryland lost to American and Miami (OH) -- it was actually a month ago -- because the Terps looked like the Gary Williams teams of old. Senior James Gist tore the Tar Heel defense up for 22 points as Maryland held on for the upset.

USC 72 4) UCLA 63- USC freshmen O.J. Mayo and Davon Jefferson did their best O.J. Simpson impression as they slashed through UCLA's defense for a combined 41 points. UCLA's own freshman and subject of current NCAA investigation Kevin Love, got his ninth double double of the season but it wasn't enough as the Trojans walked out of Westwood with the win.

9) Texas A&M 54 Kansas State 75- The Aggies hadn't skipped a beat this season since the departure of Acie Law, but Saturday they went into cardiac arrest in this one. Star freshman Michael Beasely dropped 21 for K-State who beat a top 10 team at home for the first time in 4 years.

16) Pitt 59 Cincinnati 62- Keeping up with ESPN's title of "Upset Saturday" Pitt decided it was a good idea to hand this one to the surging Bearcats. Cincinnati, a team that only won two big east games all last season, has beaten two ranked Big East opponents in a week. The way things are looking right now , if you can win 3 road games in the Big East you'll be in the regular season title hunt.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Have a Good Weekend

That's probably it for us until Sunday. In honor of his speculated rematch with Oscar De La Hoya we'll leave you with Floyd "Money" Mayweather's rap video....

Pryor Watch


The soap opera that is Terrelle Pryor's recruiting process has been full of more twists and turns than an episode of As The World Turns. Here's a little breakdown of all the drama in Terrelle's world.

First thing a big time recruit needs is a mentor and who better than Eastern Michigan quarterback and NFL journeyman Charlie Batch. Charlie has been really leading the recruiting process for Pryor, contacting schools and influencing Terrelle's decisions.

The school on the top of Pryor's list seems to be Michigan. We all know of the courtship between Pryor and RichRod at Michigan. It began with RichRod apparently calling Pryor before talking to his West Virginia team. Now on the table for Pryor is Michigan, Penn State (kind of), Ohio State (who can deny the sweater vest), Oregon, and now LSU.
Penn State is in the running simply because of location, but the fact that Pryor canceled his trip to Happy Valley for this weekend doesn't bode well for the Nittany Lions. Instead of making the trip to Penn State, Pryor is going to Michigan for the unofficial visit, one that my be his last before signing because his basketball team plays games the next two weekends.

Obviously the Michigan faithful are happy about this one. Over at mgoblog they're ordering readers to make their voice heard by showing up to the Michigan basketball game (oh did we mention Pryor is a D-1 basketball recruit?) to help Pryor make his decision.

Others in the mix are Ohio State, Oregon, and most recently LSU. Oregon already has shown that a quarterback with Pryor's run-pass talents can succeed in its spread offense. Jim "the vest" Tressel has said he wants to alter his offense to accomodate talent like Pryor. Just this week Les Miles came into the picture and Pryor said he "liked a lot of what they were saying."

It seems like his visit to Ann Arbor this weekend will be huge for Pryor's decision because he won't be likely to visit Oregon or LSU if things go well. His sweatbands are still on Ebay though so there's still a chance Ohio State, Penn State, Oregon and LSU fans. So start bidding.

What The F*** Happened Last Night?


The Bruce was on the loose last night in Knoxville, Louisville showed up to play, and A-10 teams keep knocking each other off. All this and more in our daily recap...

14) Vanderbilt 60 7) Tennessee 80- Bruce Pearl rocked the rockytop orange jacket, and his team stepped up the defensive pressure in a route of in-state rival Vanderbilt. The Commodores were ice cold from beyond shooting 14% in losing their second game in a row.

12)Butler 52 Cleveland State 56- Butler was the darling mid major of pundits everywhere, but the Vikings would hear none of it. At 13-5 Cleveland State is no pushover but Butler looked flat in this one shooting 34% from the field.

13)Marquette 51 Louisville 71- Louisville looked like the team that was a preseason favorite for the Big East title in this rout of Marquette. Marquette goes as Dominic James goes, and the senior guard was non-existent in this one with three points and one assist.

21)Rhode Island 61 St. Louis 68- A week after setting a shot clock era record scoring only 20 points in a game against George Washington, St. Louis became the third unranked A-10 to upset their ranked counterparts this week. A good win for Rick Majerus and St. Louis but a bad loss for Rhode Island and the A-10 overall.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Just Leave John Wooden Alone Already


The NCAA has once again proven how much it sucks, announcing that it is investigating a meeting John Wooden had with Kevin Love in 2006. I say, let John Wooden talk to whoever the hell he wants. If John Wooden wants to recruit 3rd graders for UCLA, then let him. For two reasons: first, Wooden was probably the greatest coach in NCAA history. Second, hes a fossil. The guy is 97 years old, do you think he really needs an NCAA investigation right now? The NCAA will feel pretty awful if Wooden dies from all the stress they put on him. So, they should just drop the investigation and let him rest.

But then theres the problem of UCLA fans who apparently want their hero to die of exhaustion. The man is trying to watch a game and you people feel the need to ask him for autographs...for free, no less. How would little Jimmy feel if he is asking Mr. Wooden for an autograph and...BAM the Wizard of Westwood is dead. So Bruin fans join the NCAA and leave him alone, and let the man enjoy his twighlight years.

Mack Brown Is A Thief (and other College Football happenings)



Texas - Mack Brown has kept the crazy coaching carousel (Mack loves alliteration) going this off-season hiring two SEC coordinators to his coaching staff. Aurburn defensive coordinator and super intense defensive guru Will Muschamp (see above) decided to leave the Tigers and take his aggressive defensive philosophy to the lone star state. Also, heading to Austin is former Longhorns quarterback Major "General" Applewhite, who left his offensive coordinator position at Alabama to take the asistant head coach and running backs coach positions at Texas.. With these two quality coaches and Colt "45 and two zig zags" McCoy coming back look for the Longhorns to make some serious noise in the BCS picture.

Auburn - Don't feel bad for Auburn for losing such a good coordinator because Pitt defensive coordinator Paul Rhoads has taken Muschamp's old post. You may remember Rhoads from when he destroyed the entire West Virginia football program in 60 minutes in December. Rhoads' defenses are known for their sound tackling, and look for him to make a nice fit in Tommy Tuberville's coaching staff.

Arkansas - Happy travels to 6'7'' Michigan mongoloid Ryan Mallett who has officially enrolled at Arkansas. Mallett, who saw time this season due to an injury to Chad Henne, left Michigan due to the arrival of RichRod and the spread offense. Mallett will sit out next season but should be primed to take over the starting spot with Casey Dick (were not even going to give him a nickname) being a senior next year.

What the F*** Happened Last Night?


(9) Texas A&M 53, Texas Tech 68- One of our personal favorite coaches of all time, got his 900th win. Congratulations Bob Knight for showing me how to coach my 10-11 youth basketball team strict discipline and for teaching me the value of continued yelling at the volunteer refs. I’ve gotten thrown out of my fair amount of games and mocked those annoying reporters (alright...they were really parents) who keep saying "You aren't playing for fun." Screw that noise I’m trying to win.


(1) North Carolina 83, Georgia Tech 82- Georgia Tech is the only team that Roy Williams hasn't beaten on the road since his hiring, that changed on Wednesday. Hansbrough continues his charge towards player of the year with 27 points and 11 boards. Jeremis Smith kept GT in the game with 15 points.

(2)Memphis 77, Rice 50- Who woulda thought Rice had a basketball team. Another blowout for Memphis has the continue to push for that #1 spot.

(5)Duke 70, Florida State 57- Another solid ACC game, which was closer than the score indicates. Jon "Mr. Pale" Scheyler dropped 21 and with the help from solid FT's down ths stretch the Bluedevils get a solid win.

(20) Xavier 59 Temple 78- For the first time since John Cheney retired Temple actually decided to play some defense. Dionte "I Believe In" Christmas was unstoppable in this one dropping 23 for the Owls who beat a ranked team for the first time in two years.


Things Are Pretty Bad In Happy Valley


Penn State had to think this week was going to be a good one. On Sunday top recruit and all-everything athlete Terrelle Pryor said he would take an official visit Happy Valley over the weekend putting Penn State in the running to nab the top recruit in the country. Then Wednesday came a whole shit storm of bad news. First, Pryor wrote in his "diary" in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette that he would not make an official visit and that he wasn't sure "Penn State is a fit" -- he also wrote in his diary that he talked to Gina Michaels after seventh period! Then, Wednesday afternoon, a judge ruled that the beaver brawlers Chis Baker and Navorro Brown would stand trial for felony assault charges in connection with an on campus fight last year. Things only got worse as later in the day when tests showed that Geary Claxton, the leading scorer on the Men's Basketball team which was showing signs of being a contender in the Big Ten, will miss the rest of the season with a torn knee ligament. Finally, late Wednesday came word from a Penn State biology professor who found that JoePa has actually been legally dead for the past 8 years.
Nittany Lion fans can take solace in the fact that Anthony Morelli is really and truly out of eligibility.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Highlander Watch: In Pursuit of Imperfection


Bill Belichek and the Patriots need two more wins to finish the perfect season, but in Newark, New Jersey an athletic achievement of greater magnitude is in reach. THE New Jersey Institute of Technology Highlanders are on the verge of a completely imperfect 0-28 season. In the past 50 years only two teams have gone winless, but the Highlanders 28 losses would tie them with the 2004-2005 edition of Savannah State for the honor of worst team in the history of modern basketball. As the season progresses, we will update you on Head Coach Jim Casciano and the Highlanders as they head toward history.

The magic number now stands at 10 after last night's 64-33 loss to Cornell. The Highlander faithful were rocking early as the junior forward Kyle Edwards threw done a monster dunk to give the home team a 2-0 lead three minutes into the game. Then things...um...well they kind of got ugly. The Cornell Big Red (Big Red is the Taste of Bold) went on a 25-7 run for the 16 point halftime lead. By the middle of the second half the score was 47-18 and Cornell cleared the bench and cruised to the 64-33 win. Freshman guard Tyler Epps led NJIT with 3 assists and no turnovers in 31 minutes (the future is bright for the Highlanders). Next up for the Highlanders is Chicago State in Chicago on Saturday. The Cougars enter this one at 6-13.

Monday, January 14, 2008

The Olympic Committee is Putting Their Foot Down


Alright so you’re a double amputee stuck with prosthetic limbs on the end of what would have been an athletic body. Sucks to be you. Unless maybe you can somehow learn to run with these goofy looking metal things and dedicate your life to one day making it all the way to the Olympics and beat all those who can warm up for a race by touching their toes. Nevermind, your life still sucks:

Oscar Pistorius, the double-amputee bidding to race against able-bodied athletes in this summer's Olympics, has been banned from taking part.

A study commissioned by the IAAF found that the South African 400 metre runner, who wears hi-tech prosthetic limbs on both legs, uses 25 per cent less energy to run at the same speed as able-bodied rivals.”

So in a world that took both of his legs from him, Pistorius is banned because the prosthetics gave him a leg up on the competition. No word on the sprinter’s next move, although one could bet it won’t involve tap-dancing or clipping his toenails. But don’t pity poor Oscar, think about all the money he saves on shoes, and if that kid ever drops out of the show Two and a Half Men there's always a spot for Oscar as the half.

Pistorius Denied Olympic Place

Highlander Watch: In Pursuit of Imperfection


While the majority of American sports fans anxiously wait to see if the New England Patriots can complete the perfect 19-0 season, we here at Understanding Lou want to introduce you to the New Jersey Institute of Technology Highlanders. The Highlander men's basketball team is on the verge of making history by becoming only the third team in NCAA Division 1 in the last 50 years to go winless for a season. Right now the Highlanders' record stands at 0-17 with the magic number at 12. 12 more games until these athletes can put their names in the record books.
Up next: Ivy League stalwart Cornell before a home crowd in Newark on Tuesday night when junior Nesho "I'm not related to Slobodan" Milosevic and the rese of the squad look to continue their march of futility into history.

What the F*** Happened Last Night?



Virgina 65, (7) Duke 87- Duke overmatched Virgina on defense, leading to easy layups by the white guys and big dunks by the black men (Gerald Henderson, DeMarcus Nelson). Nelson led the way with 20 points in an easy victory against Virgina.

Illinois 58, (11) Indiana 62- Before the game Bruce Weber the coach for Illinois was heard yelling at Eric Gordon "You jerk you were supposed to be on our team." Eric Gordon took that to heart as he scored 17, as the Hoosiers squeaked one out in Big Ten play.




An unwanted NBA note
As most of you have heard, the greatest thing to ever come out of Florida, Joakim Noah is having problems in the NBA. No, its not his ugly jumper or his overwhelming emotion. Joakim has been late for meetings and practice...probably too busy working on his dancing skills. Although his boy Al Horford (the more talented Gator) continues to stick up for his friend, I am seeing in the future a long list of problems that will lead to an early exit out of the NBA,(we can only pray). We will keep you posted.

Spread 'Em: NFL Draft Destroying WVU


Things aren't going so well in Morgantown West Va. right now. First they lost to Pitt, then they lost their coach. Then they won the Fiesta Bowl (that was the one bright spot) and then they hired Bill Stewart. Now they've lost speedsters Steve Slaton and Darius Reynaud to the NFL. With both players skipping their final year of eligibility to test the draft waters with graduating fullback/manchild Owen Schmitt the wheels are starting to fall off the proverbial wagon (we say this because its a saying not because they still use covered wagons in West Virginia) in Morgantown. Some NFL franchise's scout team just got really expensive thanks to Slaton entering the draft, where he will probably get drafted in the first or second round only to not see the field. Don't get us wrong, we are big fans of Steve Slaton here at Understanding Lou, but he began to get exposed towards the end of the season this year, and we're not sold on him as an NFL back right now.
With Schmitt, Slaton, and Reynaud gone that leaves Pat White, a definitie heisman candidate, Noel Devine (grill included), and Tito Gonzalez left to carry the load for the Mountaineers. Theres still a lot of fire power left, but it will take a lot for this team to get back to where it was this season.

No More Text Messaging for Coaches


An August ban on text messaging has been upheld by the NCAA in a victory for blue chip recruits everywhere. No longer will they have to change their text messaging plans to avoid extra charges when college coaches across the nation try to contact them. Imagine the creepy text messages players like Terrelle Pryor would be subjected to if this ban hadn't been upheld.

RichRod: yo terrelle wut r u doin?
Terrelle: Hey coach, um Im in math class right now....
RichRod: kool. I got some calculus for u...u + me at michigan = national championship
Terrelle: um...sounds cool coach. I'm going to go though. I'll talk you later.

Luckily, for the sake of Terrelle and five star recruits everywhere, they will only have to worry about cars and other gifts from coaches, not text messages.

And speaking of Terrelle Pryor, it's time to start bidding for his letter of intent, Michigan, Ohio State and Oregon fans. For a mere $350 you can buy game worn Terrelle Pryor sweat bands. Don't think hes not checking to see which schools boosters are buying these sweatbands either. So get out your check books and show Terrelle that you want to make him your school's next great quarterback.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

What The F*** Happened This Weekend?...Recap



It was a long weekend in college basketball with nearly every team playing a game. So like Sidney Lowe we found our best Wolfpack red coat, are dressing like the Kool Aid guy and breaking down a few of the games from this weekend.

4) Washington St. 74 UCLA 81- Wazzu got more love than it could handle as Kevin Love dropped 27 giving Washington State its first loss of the season. The freshman phenom also added 14 rebounds for his eighth double-double of the season.

6) Michigan St. 36 Iowa 43- The Spartans set modern basketball back a few years with this performance - a school record in the shot clock era. Iowa's Tony Freeman almost single handedly beat Michigan State dropping 22 points. Things were so bad for Michigan State that Tom Izzo's 7 year old son's youth team had a better shooting percentage than the Spartans did on Saturday.

8) Georgetown 72 Connecticut 69- Roy Hibbert shocked everyone with a 20 footer from the wing as the shot clock was winding down. It was the 7-2 center's second three point attempt of the day and his second make of the season.

12) Vanderbilt 76 Kentucky 79- After nearly blowing a lead late in regulation the Wildcats knocked Vanderbilt from the undefeated ranks in double overtime. The win will certainly quiet many of Billy Gillispie's critics who are unhappy with the coach's team who has sputtered to a 7-7 start this season

Friday, January 11, 2008

Pete Carroll is Still a Child of Mother Nature

I am shocked and surprised to announce that Pete Carroll is reported to be staying in California at least for now. I mean with all those perks of going to the Falcons with their star player in jail, players that have less talent then USC, and an owner that lets just say is a little "over controlling" its really shocking. Can't blame a guy for picking Song Girls, Snoop (see above), and SoCal Sun over Lil' John, Joey Harrington (we still think you're a first round pick Joey), and Aurthur Blank

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Man I Hate My Life: Week Recap

Long week? We've all been there, but as bad as things seem here are a few people who have had worse weeks than any of us. It's the top 4 (not top 3 or top 5...but top 4. Deal with it)


4. Rich Rodriguez- The week started with RichRod's kids getting harassed at school in West Virginia then ended with him finding out that he was losing Ryan Mallet (better hope he gets Tyrell Pryor now) to another school and star wide recievers Adrian Arrington and Mario Manningham to the NFL. With nearly 100% of the offensive production gone, its going to be an interesting year at Michigan next year.


3. Hawaii- It really been a bad 10 day for the Rainbow Warriors (a name that strikes fear into the hearts of opponents). The new year started in New Orleans where the warriors got washed away (too soon?) by the Georgia atack en route to the 41-10 loss. Days later, Head Coach June Jones, who brought Hawaii from a winless season to the BCS in 9 years, resigned and headed for the mainland. Jones departure led to the firing of AD Herman Frazier, and now a program that was politicking for a national championship two weeks ago is in turmoil.

2. Bowling Green- you make a Bowl Game things are looking up for your program...then you run into Paul Smith and the Tulsa offense. Bowling Green's loss in the GMAC bowl was a historic one. Their 56 point loss was the worst in bowl history. How convincing was the win for Tulsa? Roy Roberts hit on Antonio Smith basically sums of the night for the Falcon faithful:



1. Jim Tressell and Ohio State- Jim Tressell and the Buckeyes have been through a lot of highs and lows in the past 12 months. After the highs of beating such powers as Youngstown State and Akron and the low of a loss to Illinois, Ohio State found itself the default participant in the national championship without playing a game in two weeks. For the second year in a row Tressell's team looked overmatched against the SEC Champion en route to a convincing loss. The back-to-back national title losses may have set back an average Big Ten champion for years the way Hawaii surely did for non-BCS teams.
Now it is up to USC to quickly put Ohio States 2008 title hopes to rest with a convincing victory in the Collesium during week two to spare the entire country another Ohio State title game meltdown.

What the F*** Happened Last Night?...Recap



(1)UNC 93, UNC-Asheville 81-I've seen the giant and his name is Kenny George. 7'7" 360 pounds of awkwardness, scored 14 points and grabbed 11 rebounds in the 24 minutes he played, not bad. Tyler Hansbrough got frustrated and dunked over the stonewall. I do enjoy the nickname they gave him "psycho T."

(2) Memphis 99, East Carolina 58- My favorite freshmen Derrick Rose scored 19 and Robert Dozier grabbed 10 boards in this rout.

(7) Duke 74, Temple 64- Johnny "I believe in Santa" Christmas scored 23 but it wasnt enough to take down those pesky Blue devils.

(15) Mississippi 83, (9) Tennessee 85- Tennessee plays hard and Bruce Pearl is one of the best coaches in NCAA. Mississppi gets its first loss, but real good SEC game.

On a lighter note I'd like to give Pete Carroll a little advice on thinking about leaving for the Falcons. Don't do it. Without a guy like this, the team is going nowhere.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Bill Stewart Just Can't Say The Right Things These Days

So by now you've heard the story of Bill Stewart. After spending over ten years as an assistant coach for West Virginia he was promoted to be the interim head coach for the Mountaineers following Rich Rodriguez's departure. Facing an uncertain future the Mountaineers rallied around Stewart and upset Oklahoma in convincing fashion. The next day Stewart was signed to a five year deal and his long journey to the top was complete. We laughed, we cried....and then we found out that he was a racist.

Our very own Big Ron has the scoop on another instance in Bill Stewart's career where he crossed the line with his comments....














Big Ron Investigates


Ayo, so we all know that ish that Bill Stewart said at VMI (that Rush Limbaugh ass Mother F*****), but none of you have heard about his first coaching job at Mt. Sinai Hebrew High School (home of the Fighting Rabbis!).
It was the week of the big interfaith rivalry game against St. Pius V (the Catholics called it the Inquisition game). Before the game, in the lockerroom, Stewart talked to the team and made his first wack comment, saying:
"We got to play to our teams stregnths...so we're going to nickle and dime it down the field today, fellas."
I aint done yet either. During the second half star offensive tackle Arnie Rabinowitz sucker punched Mike Dalessandro forcing Coach S. to say to Arnie:
"Do not ever give them a reason to call you cheap...especially a greaseball like him."
Mt. Sinai kept it real and fired his ass a week later. Good luck West Virginia with that one...

F*#@ Senior Year, I’m Tryin’ To Get Paid!


It’s that time of year again, when the “student” in student-athlete means about as much as a Bobby Petrino promise. Here’s a list of a few more juniors who are ignoring their student sections plea for “One More Year” and entering the draft.

Geno Hays, Florida St.
-They don't get degrees at Florida State anyway so why wait a year to "get that paper" as they say.

Jared Mayo, Tennessee
Ray Rice, Rutgers
- a shot at Ron Dayne's rushing record wasn't enough to keep Rice in Piscataway
Anthony Collins, Kansas
Jack Ikegwuonu, Wisconsin

Rich Rodriguez is indicating that Mario Manningham and Adrian Arrington will forgo their senior year to enter the draft. Check back for updates on this situation....

What The F*** Happened Last Night?...Recap


With the craziest college football season in recent memory over it's time to get your body paint, do your best Bruce Pearl impression and check out our recap of last nights games...

3)Kanas 90 Loyola (Md) 60- This one was over early as the Sherron Collins dropped 18 to lead the undefeated Jayhawks. Next up for Kansas is a trip to Nebraska to take on a strong Cornhuskers squad on Saturday night.

6) Michigan St. 78 Purdue 75- Michigan St. needed a 15 foot jumper from Travis Walton with 20 seconds left to beat Purdue. Kalin Lucas led the way for Michigan St. with 16 points.

8)Georgetown 76 DePaul 60- the 7-2 Roy Hibbert showed coordination en route to 17 points and the blowout victory for the Hoyas.

16)Marquette 65 Seton Hall 61- the Jersey faithful were in full effect for this one, but the Pirates effort wasn't enough to pull of the upset. Jerel Mcneal played Robin to Dominic James' Batman when James hurt his wrist. Dan Fitzgerald - the whitest guy on the court - clinched the win for Marquette with a 3 point jumper from the corner with second left. The Golden Eagles play host to Notre Dame and smoking Kyle McAlarney.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

College Football (oh yes there’s a collage) Recap


Lets see if I can change the pace a little, see if I can get this year down to as little words as possible…

Wolverines lose to App St. then to Oregon. I wonder if Lloyd is done?
The tail of the number two teams: Oregon, BC, Uconn, Cal, and USF
41-point underdogs? USC drops to the Cardinal.
Ron
Zook brings back Illinois football
Lou gave pep talks

Colt Brennan breaks laws then breaks records
ND hits the bottom of the ocean while Navy soars with Jesus after 44 years
Oregon football? Down goes Dixon
12,13,15 laterals…walking on defense is a bad habit
McFadden runs hard, but
God only loves one heismen:
Tim Tebow
Bobby Petrino is back!
Rich Rodriguez throws the game then takes off for Ann Arbor
June Jones doesn’t enjoy paradise leaves Hawaii
Joe Pa coaches 500 games...I hope I can look
this good after my 500th
Goodbye Lloyd Carr
BCS Bowl games not very exciting (maybe that's why no one watched them)
Mangino loves oranges: Kansas over VT
USC puts roses in their mouths again. USC beats Illinois
Bill Stewart gets a win and a new job: WVU defeats the Sooners

Knowshon Moreno cool name and even better player: Georgia abuses Hawaii
Finally the big one:
Ohio State should give up
LSU National Champs

..I know I missed some but I tried, maybe if the BCS didn't give 4 of 5 of their bowl games (thanks Rose Bowl) to Fox, I would've tried harder.

A Year Later: The Big Ten Is Still Slower Than The SEC

Alright so maybe Beanie Wells proved the SEC speed theory wrong in that first possession when he torched LSU safety Craig Steltz and the rest of the Tiger defense for a touchdown, but it just seemed throughout the game that LSU was the better team. They were strong up front and made the big plays when it counted, and most importantly they were poised. In the end, just like last year, Ohio State (and the sweater vest) was a very good team but they just got outclassed by a better squad in LSU.

Overall it was a pretty dull game which just got flat out aggravating thanks to Fox's broadcast. Between Chris Rose (the Ryan Seacrest of college commentating...sorry Herbstreit we know how bad you work for that title) and Charles Davis and Thom (Thom?) Brennaman's game commentary it was enough to drive someone out of their mind. Then you add in those Jumper adds and the dull action on the field and you had the perfect storm. We never thought we'd wish for the dynamic duo of Musberger and Herbstreit so bad.

After Ohio States performance everyone will say that it should have been Georgia or USC in that game, but cmon let's be serious. First off, our thoughts on Georgia's thriller impersonation in the World's Largest cocktail party aside, they didn't even make their conference championship against LSU so how could they have been in the National Championship against them? Same goes for USC who had all the talent in the world this season, but lost to a 41 point underdog at home and only beat two teams with records above .500. Brent Musberger will make sure to mention how the Trojans had injuries, but so did every other team out there this season so we're not buying it. At the end of the day LSU was (sort of) the best team throughout the season and deserved the national championship. Thers no playoff system so for now we have to live with the computers picking our champions.

Monday, January 7, 2008

TBCSNCG-The Bowl Championship Series National Championship Game



It's finally here. A mere 51 days since Ohio States last game (I know, it feels like just yesterday) the BCS National Championship has arrived. The numbers were tabulated back in December and the two best teams in the nation (wait Georgia isn't in it?) will square off tonight in the Superdome.
Ohio State bowled through their schedule quietly obtaining a number one ranking by October before falling to eventual BCS and Rose Bowl bound/demolished Illinois. And then in the spirit of competition, they sat back and watched as every other team got knocked off and they got knocked into the national championship. But they got Tressel and the man can win. Sure his team got blown up last year in the game but that doesn't matter because the man has the sweater vest on his side. As only Jesse Palmer could put it: "Is Tressel the best coach or the vest coach?" (Great call Jesse...Really, you should be proud of that one).
LSU for their part has played one of the toughest schedules in the nation and have produced some of the most exciting games of this season. They were two overtime losses from a perfect regular season, but were also a couple of converted fourth downs, and a bad pass against Auburn away from being an average team. But just as the Bucks have Tressel, the Tigers have - besides a stadium that will be full of Tiger fans and apparently a huge speed advantage - the touchdown scoring, playstation mastering dual quarterbacking corps of Matt Flynn and Ryan Perilloux on their side. This ebony and ivory duo like Tebow and Leak last year against Ohio State should cause some problems for the Buckeye defense and the way Les Miles incorparates both their talents into the game will be key to the contest.
We're not going to make any picks on this one, we just hope that its a better game than last years TBCSNCG, but we'll turn it over to resident gambling expert Big Ron to give you the lowdown. We'll see you all tomorrow with a recap of the big game.

Big Ron's Gambling Tips


As the spread stands now it -4 for LSU, and that sucka is only get closer as gametime draws near. I am seeing dollars signs and Lil’ Wayne lyrics (get money, f*** bitches) in my future after I put this bad boy down. The X-factor in my eyes is whether the defense of Ohio State will be able to keep up with the speed of LSU. Wide receiver Early Doucett could be a major match up problem, and if not contained he could be the knockout punch in this one. It's going to be like Smokey standing over top: “You got knocked the f*** out”. Ohio State will have to keep up on offense, with Chris “Beenie” Wells running the ball past the big boy in the middle Glenn “I hope the Dolphins don’t draft me” Dorsey. I have to go against the man in the sweater vest and pick the home team Tigers. 24-7 LSU.

F*#@ Senior Year, I’m Tryin’ To Get Paid!


It’s that time of year again, when the “student” in student-athlete means about as much as a Bobby Petrino promise. Here’s a list of a few more juniors who are ignoring their student sections plea for “One More Year” and entering the draft.


Aquib Talib, Kansas
Brandon Flowers, Virginia Tech

Kevin Smith, UCF-After talking with his family the national rushing leader will be taking his 2567 yards rushing to Sundays

Sunday, January 6, 2008

GMAC Bowl Recap


In the final bowl game before the TBCSNCG,(The Bowl Championship Series National Championship Game...leave it to the BCS to come up with a confusing and convoluted name like that one), Tulsa and Bowling Green squared off in the GMAC Bowl. There was nothing confusing about this game as Paul Smith and Tulsa's high powered offense capitalized on costly turnovers by Bowling Green en route to a 63-7 victory. Four first half fumble recoveries turned into four touchdowns as the Golden Hurricanes (good thing they arent in the Sugar Bowl with that name) jumped out to a 35-0 halftime lead. Smith had a monster game throwing for five touchdowns and his fourteenth straight 300 yard passing performance. While many people probably missed this thriller to watch American Gladiators, those who did watch it got to see one of the better quarterbacks in the upcoming draft in Smith. But just how bad was this game historically? The 56 point margin of victory is the largest in bowl history eclipsing Alabama's 61-6 trouncing of Syracuse in the 1953 Orange Bowl. This one will probably sting for awhile in Bowling Green.

American Gladiators: College Coaching Edition

American Gladiators starts up tonight in all its ‘roided up goodness, and here at Understanding Lou we’ve decided to pick five college football coaches for our own edition of American Gladiators. We thought about doing a playoff system, but the Rose Bowl officials wouldn’t allow it so the computers did the numbers and here are the winners:


1. Bobby Petrino, Arkansas- Sure Bobby isn’t all that big in stature, but what most people need to realize is that he does not have a conscience or a soul. He’s like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas. You say one thing to this guy…he’ll kill ya. Joey Harrington says Petrino’s not a man? Your time is coming Joey…your time is coming. The Eliminator isn’t the name of the final event, it’s Petrino’s job.







2. Ron Zook, Illinois- Zooker was the obvious number one pick but that Rose Bowl performance dropped him. Still there’s no denying the fact that this guy will break you in half. Can you imagine the venom he was spewing at halftime of the Rose Bowl? There isn’t a person out there in America who will beat him in the breakthrough and conquer event. You can break through…but no one conquers Ron Zook.


3. Mark Mangino, Kansas- Just off the most successful season of his career and Kansas’ history he had to make it. Who out there is going to get around this guy, America? Mangino has been training for the human cannonball for years (and you thought he was just obese). And dont think about showboating against this guy because he will get in your face:




4. Pete Carroll, USC- Pete’s unassuming with his laidback attitude, good friend Will Ferrell and Southern Cal lifestyle but don’t be fooled, he’s a gamer (you see those guns?). He’s a defensive mastermind who already dominated our two seed Ron Zook. You see Pete Carroll now as this skinny middle aged man who is an excellent football coach but you’re forgetting what he was doing in the early 90’s…..





5. Joe Paterno, Penn State- You’ve seen 300 you know what Joe went through growing up in Sparta. It was a hard life, but if he can survive the Persian army, the middle ages, and both World Wars what chance does some amateur have of knocking him, and his thousands of years of gladiator experience, off in a jousting competition?








Alternate: Lou Holtz, ESPN- You may say it is unfair that we picked the patron saint of the site as an alternate. Yes Lou is no longer a coach, and sure he looks like he might day any minute, but he's got you right where he wants you. He puts up with Mark May's shit all season long and hes fired up for new opponents. Lou wants you to think he’s a senile old man, but really he’s ready to bring the wood because Holtz…it means hard wood.